Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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