So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
