So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
