I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
