it hurts more in the daytime
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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