he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
