she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
