her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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