You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize