You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
