if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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