Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
