So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
