Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
