i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
