You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
