Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
