she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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