11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
