when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
