i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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