i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
