Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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