will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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