Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There r osticjed everywhere
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
