we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
