last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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