We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
