Don't make out with my wife yet
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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