Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i drank out of a bidet.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
