Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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