My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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