I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
