my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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