I need to stop coming to work sober
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
