Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drunk is not a location!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
