I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
