Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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