Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
