the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
