I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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