That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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