Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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