yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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