I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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