That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
