3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
