U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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