Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
