I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
