that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
