He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
