I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
