I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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