thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
