I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away