sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
