I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
