So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
