i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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