Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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