i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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