Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
