On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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