i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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