my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
