He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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