wakey wakey hands off snakey
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
