My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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