my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
